Monday, January 3, 2011

More lists

I was not sure if it was you.
And I am still not sure if it is you.

I attempted to learn ten consonants of Indian alphabets two hours ago and I believe if I continue studying all these letters and things that simply make no sense, I could learn to read and write my mother language in less than two weeks. Perhaps not fluently, maybe I will not be India's next prestigious poet and most probably I will give up in weeks, but I still need to try. A few years ago I had the habit of making a list of things that I should do when the New Year knocked your heart and entered with fireworks. I tended to make the list vague and general so it could apply to every single person in the world, but the following list is for my mind, for my heart, for my crumbling world as I need some things that could keep my universe intact. Each year is heavier and more difficult than the earlier one - and each year I would like to believe things will change - and each year I cry more than in the previous one - and with more sadness, I am merrier. But I need stability. I need something constant as right at the moment the ground on which I walk shifts and changes too often and I fall and soon enough I will be incapable of standing up on my own anymore. Change is necessary and this time I will be the change.

  1. I will learn to read and write Hindi and in addition to that, I will begin to study French and will be able to produce a short story by end of the year in both languages. The stories will be happier than any other story that I have written in my life. They will be also the first stories I have written since 2009.
  2. Tell my mother and father and my brothers, how much I love them & care for them. They have been there always, they have done the best for me and without their help and support I would have been unable to do all the things I have done in my life. Including writing stories about falling love & falling out from love.
  3. Read at least twelve academic books. I am too puzzled to elaborate this.
  4. Be more in touch with my friends. In last five, six years, after living in  Finland, Swaziland, the United States, Croatia, the Netherlands and attending seminars in Ukraine and Spain, I believe I have all the people I need in my life. I just need to revive the relationships and be happy about the fact that I have encountered all these people in my life.
  5. Be happier. It is easier than either of us could imagine.

It feels strange to back in Finland once more. I wish I could go back in the past and never move.
I guess I am just afraid of life.


  1. Being happier is a good goal. Always try. Never give up.

  2. I wish I had your courage too.
    I meet a wonderful man when I was in Croatia, had a long distance relationship for several years. But I let my career and life hold me back from having the courage to move to Croatia and now my other half is gone and my heart and soul will never be the same.

  3. Your blog is nice and interesting :)
    ps: I would like the flag of your beautiful country on my website :))
    thank you


  4. My name is Joe Pinzone and I'm casting an international travel show about expats moving abroad. We'd love to film in Croatia and wanted to know if you could help us find expats who have moved there within the last 15 months or have been there for 3-4 years, but recently moved into a new home. The show documents their move to a new country and will place the country in fabulous light. The contributors on the show would also receive monetary compensation if they are filmed. If you'd like more information, please give me a call at 212-231-7716 or skype me at joefromnyc. You can also email me at Looking forward to hearing from you.

    Joe Pinzone
    Casting Producer
    P: 212-231-7716
    Skype: Joefromnyc